Wendi McGowan-Ellis 0:11
Welcome to "Your Authentic Path to Powerful Leadership" with Marsha Clark. Join us on this journey where we're uncovering what it takes to be a powerful woman leader. Well, Marsha, we have another first for our podcast today. And it's what I hope is our inaugural tribute to Father's Day with a panel of dads who have awesome, powerful daughters. And I'm so excited for this conversation.
Marsha Clark 0:36
Well, I am too, Wendi. And I just said, this is a first. We have male voices on the podcast. So this being our first episode with an all male panel, and we're going to get and what we had hoped, you know, to be able to bring our listeners is an inside peek into what it's been like for our panelists to be the dads of powerful, strong and authentic daughters. And I really can't think of a better way to celebrate Father's Day than to hear from this group of fun, dedicated, and we're calling them power dads!
Wendi McGowan-Ellis 1:07
That's right. That's right. Well, let's do a quick round of introductions from everyone so our listeners can get a sense of who is all on the zoom with us. So will you each share how you ended up as our esteemed guest today?
Marsha Clark 1:21
Yeah, and Curt, let's start with you. I think, first of all, you and I know each other back from our EDS days, so let's be totally transparent about all of that and the City of Frisco days. So I think if I understand it right, one of your daughters tells you that she thought you'd be a great addition to the panel and recommended you so tell us a little bit about you.
Curt Balogh 1:39
Well, I'm... thanks, Marsha. Pleasure to be here this morning with you after all these years. It's great. I'm the retired, unretired and soon to be retired again CIO for the City of Frisco. I've been married to the lovely and talented and powerful Martha for 45 years. We're blessed with two incredible daughters Tara who's 40 and Brittany who will soon be 37. Both are married with two children and Tara with two boys and Brittany with two girls. Brittany is the youngest and she's a regular listener to this podcast. She also saw Tracie Shipman's Facebook posts looking for nominations of dads who've raised powerful daughters. And then she reached out to nominate me. (Oh, I love that.) She often shares with me what she's heard or learned on these podcasts. It's been great for us to share those moments and discuss leadership and she's now part of a leadership development team at her work. (Nice.) And one additional side note, as Marsha mentioned, she and I did work together. I reported to Marsha 30 years ago when she was running the leadership development organization at EDS. There's no doubt that you know some of the lessons I learned back then and in my experience with Marsha then have led me to this spot 30 years later talking about powerful daughters. But on a side note, Marsha was only about 20 at the time.
Marsha Clark 3:04
Yeah, thank you for that. And I just, you know, I was thinking about that when you're talking about the ages of your daughters. Oh my gosh, they were little girls. They were little girls. And now they're big grown up women and professionals and mothers. I love it. I love it.
Wendi McGowan-Ellis 3:18
And doing big things. Byron, you're next and we were referred to you by one of our colleagues, Heather Hankamer, who suggested that you'd be great for the show. So please share a little bit about who you are. What you do at Big Thought and your family as well?
Byron Sanders 3:35
Hello, yes, my name is Byron Sanders. I'm president and CEO of Big Thought. We are an organization based here in Dallas. We say we create creatives for 21st century world. So all of those out of school full time experiences during after school in the summer, we either do programs ourselves, or we build these large ecosystems that coordinate hundreds of other programs, organizations doing that work. So we have a net effect of about 150,000 young people in the North Texas area annually and growing increasingly across the state and across the country. So that's by day. And then by also day, I am the husband of Celeste Sanders. We met in high school. We're coming up on 17 years in June. And I am the proud father of my oldest, Bailey, my baby girl. She will be turning 15 this year. And then my son, Bryce, love that little guy. He'll be turning 14 this year.
Marsha Clark 4:43
Awesome. You know I love I just love the name of what you do, Big Thought. I can't wait. And I, you know, Byron, I think you and I've met. Did we meet out in South Lake?
Byron Sanders 4:54
Pretty sure it's something because I know we have met. I don't know where we've met.
Marsha Clark 5:00
I'm thinking it was at the Hudson Foundation out in South Lake when I heard your voice I thought, yeah, that's where I know you. So what a treat now to get to be with you again, even if it is over the microphone, so to speak.
Byron Sanders 5:12
Yeah. I'm being... catching up with EMK next week, believe it or not.
Marsha Clark 5:16
All right. Well, thank you for that Byron and Kelby. We love, you know, as I hear these stories of how everyone's on this podcast together, you saw that Facebook requests for dads who have powerful daughters, and you jumped at the chance to be on the show and of course, reached out to Tracie, who who coordinates all of the scripts and guests that we have to share your story of three amazing daughters. So please tell us more.
Kelby Federick 5:42
You bet. Thanks, Marsha. Nice to meet you and everybody on the call. Blessed enough to call Tracie and keep friends. Brother in law and his wife are neighbors to us so we've gotten to them over the years. And so when I saw Tracie's post, honestly, I didn't know anything about it. But I saw the topic and got excited for an opportunity to brag on my three awesome daughters. So I jumped at the opportunity to talk about that. I'm also a very proud father of a son, my daughter just graduated college, my wife and I've been married for 27 and a half years. So she's continuing to put up with me for that long. So that tells you she's a pretty powerful woman herself. You know, as I thought about this, I grew up in a very masculine environment. And since I had a brother, most of my friends had brothers, I didn't really grow up around a lot of women other than my wife. And then God blessed me with an awesome wife, three daughters, and we have three female dogs.
Wendi McGowan-Ellis 6:47
Kelby Federick 6:47
I've been surrounded well, and it's been a great influence on me. Also, I'm a business owner, we own a retail floor covering business called My Flooring America, stores in Dallas and Houston. As I was working on this, it also dawned on me without being intentional. But we have managers on our team at our company, actually, eight of my top managers are women. And of those the four person executive team and three of my four executives are also women. So I guess you can say I'm surrounded by awesome, powerful women and that's a wonderful place to be.
Marsha Clark 7:24
You know, and I love it that oftentimes it doesn't dawn on us until we do something along these lines, whether it's a podcast or you know, somebody's asking you questions, that it's clear that you value women and girls, and that's one of my favorite hashtags these days. So thank you, Kelby, for the work that you do and for joining us today.
Wendi McGowan-Ellis 7:43
Yeah. So, Randy, I'm going to start with you. So many of us in Frisco know and love your wife who we recently had as a guest on the show, Renee Archambault, who has served on our Frisco ISD school board for six years and most recently as president. But you, too, have also served our community in your own right including your involvement in local children's theater programs and other volunteer opportunities as well as being Zoey's dad. So tell us about yourself and what sparked your interest in being on today's panel.
Randy Archambault 8:20
Yeah, so I have been plugged into the community since we moved here in 2010, and like you mentioned Frisco Youth Theatre was able to start that board and get that really rolling in the community. And I think what really sparked my interest is seeing Tracie's post. You know, our daughter, Zoey is really powerful. She's grown up being an empathetic human. She, a few years ago, without prompting, a little bit of prompting, but spoke in front of city council about the bond proposal for theater and has just always been really confident in herself and I think that's, you know, a real testament to other children that may not feel that confidence or, or strength and she's been able to help bring that out. So you know, when I saw Tracie's post, I definitely wanted to be a part of it and and kind of tell Zoey's story and you know, my story being her dad.
Marsha Clark 9:25
You know, Randy, it's nice to meet you because I've never met you face to face. And one of the things that I love about what each of you have talked about is the strength of your girls and even them, whether it be recommending you, what better recommendation could you have about being a powerful dad than having your daughter speak to you about that? And you know, this idea of girls often are very confident and very strong. Not always, let's be clear about that, often are and it kind of gets conditioned out of us with with so many messages that we receive. And we know that fathers' messages to daughters is such an important influence in their lives. And so the fact that they saw you as a powerful dad, the fact that you chose to come on the show and talk a bit about that. And just one message I'd like to leave with all of our listeners is, you know, being strong for your daughters and allowing your daughters to be strong in their own right. So I love that.
Wendi McGowan-Ellis 10:29
Yep, yep. Okay, so let's kick off the panel with our first question. What is it about your daughter or daughters that you would describe as being powerful? Kelby since you have three daughters, let's go with you first, because I'm sure each of your daughters is probably powerful in her own unique way. So feel free to share how each of them demonstrates power.
Kelby Federick 10:53
You bet. And I would just really start off by saying, I really appreciate the task. Because, you know, for me, it was, it was a challenge not to identify that there were powerful, but to identify how they were powerful to find that in each one of them, you know, the first thing that really popped out to me was how cool it was to recognize how they are truly powerful in their own unique way. And it was very fascinating to see three different kids grow up in the same environment and just see their personalities stand out as difference. And so as I look at my three daughters, my oldest Riley is 25 years old, out on her own in the career world. And as I look around, I really see the power that she has, has really been in the confidence she has it in her own identity. And she is very secure and confident in who she is. She works very hard at what she does. She has great self control. And she has confidence. She's good at what she does, but she really knows when to speak and when not to speak and I find really in that self control that she has. She's also kind of the family psychologist. She's who I think all of us go to for life advice, even myself even though she's half my age. Then my second daughter, Kenly is 19. She's a freshman in college, University of Oklahoma. And I would say her power really comes from her determination. Like everything that she does, she's very persistent. She's very headstrong and thinks that she really knows her strengths and weaknesses. We kind of jokingly call her my wife's mini me personality because she's very much a bulldog. She sets her mind on what she's going to do. And she's going to get it done. I really love that power about her. And my youngest Marley is 17. She's a junior here at Frisco Reedy, and she has her own unique personality. And really with her, I found her power in her humility. She's grown up as a really high level athlete playing soccer and running track, and has always excelled at that very naturally. So I would say she has power I thought would be in that but because I looked at her, I really studied her and is really in her humility because she's not, she's not cocky or arrogant about her skills, but she's also very good in the classroom. And then she really attracts friends and people are attracted to her. Not because she's braggadocious or successful, but because of her humility, very easy to get along with, and her love for people.
Wendi McGowan-Ellis 13:14
That's awesome. That's amazing. What beautiful things to say about each one of them. And I love the way that you are using words that are not always necessarily powerful either, like humility or restraint wasn't the word you used. What was it, Marsha? You wrote it down.
Marsha Clark 13:30
Because she has great self control. Self control.
Wendi McGowan-Ellis 13:32
That's, that's beautiful to look at that as power. Self control is a word that I use for myself also, because I don't have it. And I think about it, so I definitely apply that word as power. Byron, how about you?
Byron Sanders 13:49
Yeah, Bailey, I go back to thinking about how it was when we found out that we were pregnant, my wife was pregnant, and we were on our way. And I remember just being a guy who grew up with dudes and you have a brother. And I was like, yeah, man, I can't wait. I just know it's gonna be a boy. That's just how it works in my family, right? And then I got the little card that the technician slid over to me. Like you got a girl. I was like, oh, and I wasn't disappointed because I got it. I have a, you know, I have a very healthy child. And I was like, Oh, this was a surprise. Okay, cool, great. But having my daughter first, and being first among all of her cousins to like so first among the entire generation has been the biggest blessing in the world. It has been one of the greatest honors to see her grow and thrive. So when I think about power, I love that she sees a challenge or she sees something that she wants to do. And it's not a second thought. It's not Oh, you know what, maybe I'm not. Or maybe I can't. She's had some moments of questions of doubt. But she even pushes through that, because she's thinking, Yes, I can. So her self efficacy, her belief in herself, is where a lot of her power emanates from. And I I'm, I'm thrilled to see that because, I mean, we know it's exactly what you said. I mean, we've seen the study. Women have to see about 80% of themselves in a job posting before they'll throw their name in a hat, right, and say, You know what, I think I can apply for this one. Whereas men only have to see about 20% is like, okay, warm body. Got it. I think I'm ready.
Marsha Clark 15:46
That's what the research says.
Byron Sanders 15:48
Yes, that's it. So see at a young age, and for that to continue, and she's taken at everything. And so she, she almost becomes a superlative kid where she's won a district wide, she placed third in the district wide poetry contest. She was in the top team with a district wide math competition. She has been playing soccer since she's three. And she's like, you know, she's on this club team. And now she's in leadership and all of that stuff. And our biggest challenge has been, Hey, baby, sweetie, we can't do all the things like literally, logistically, it's just not possible. So, but to have her say 'I can' when I think the world is built to train her that she needs to ask for permission, that's where her power comes from.
Marsha Clark 16:44
That's a mic drop. Learning to ask for what we want and the spirit of 'I can'. I mean, she sounds like an amazing woman and I want to get to know her.
Wendi McGowan-Ellis 16:54
Yes. Randy, what about you?
Randy Archambault 16:56
Well, that's a hard one to follow up with the mic drop. But, you know, for me, I think one of the happiest moments is, you know, being that girl's dad. Zoey is the first and only girl cousin on our side of the family. So she, she's, she's it. And early on. We always wanted her to feel comfortable self advocating. And, kind of like Byron, you said, you know, saying what you want and then achieving it. And early on in her education, she's always wanted to be a vet, she's dreamed of being a vet. And so, you know, our conversations are around so how are you going to get there. We're going to help you figure it out, but we're not going to email your teachers, we're not going to, to do these things. And that was all the way even back into, you know, early middle school. And, and that really forces her to advocate for herself to understand, you know, when and where you can be that powerful and but also on the same side is to never be a victim, there's, there's no reason to ever be a victim in, in our society in our times. And that Byron like you said, 80% of the job openings and that are 80% of the text in the job opening, it takes a long time for somebody to feel comfortable with that. And so we've really focused on, on really just making her a fully functional adult that is a great friend, is empathetic, that can stand up to adversity. And a lot of what we first saw, and I think theatre plays a huge portion and part in that because, you know, in a theatre production, only 20 kids can be cast in a play. Somebody has to be cut. And how do you get up the next day to know that you are one of the 20 kids that got cut and or didn't get the role you want. And so overcoming that adversity with humility without being braggadocious when you get the part - all of those things are what make her great. And I heard a great quote this week, and I put it down in my notes and it's and I think it really solidifies kind of what I feel. It's just like taking a bonsai tree and growing it into an oak tree. And that's really what it's been about. You know, the bonzai is there you curate it, you you prune the leaves, you really you want it to grow into its own and grow into its own strong oak tree with stable roots, stable foundation. And that's Zoey.
Marsha Clark 19:45
I love that. Yeah, just the imagery of that. I can start small and I can live big and be big and show up big in the world. Thank you for that, Randy.
Wendi McGowan-Ellis 19:55
Yeah, all right, Curt?
Curt Balogh 19:56
I've got other words than the word powerful to describe my girls over the years. But I think the words I've used are all part of being powerful as we're discussing it today. One, both of the girls Tara and Brittany both, they've taken complete ownership, ownership of themselves in their lives. They are not now and never have been blamers. They're also very, both very self aware people. Both of them for a period of time were teachers and coaches. Tara taught and was the head coach of the women's soccer program at Plano West Senior High. Brittany taught and coached girls basketball, volleyball and soccer at Vandeventer Middle School in Frisco. And they both told me that, that at the time, their greatest joy came from helping their players with self confidence, learning how to take initiative, understanding responsibility, and other positive life attributes. And they both believed that their role was more about developing young women than winning, not that they didn't have their share, because they did. But they really saw their role as helping young women understand their place in the world.
Marsha Clark 21:14
And you know, Curt, I just want to say, just in contrast to what you just spoke about, there's more to it, the team, the leadership, than winning, and women have to learn how to do competition, because it's a competitive world. And that's important. And team sports allow girls to do that. And yet, I often hear from dads who have coached girl teams as as well as boy teams, there is a difference in how the game is seen, how it's played, how it's responded, how people respond within the game. So I really love you calling that out. Our next question, thank you for the answers and responses on those. And, you know, just for total transparency, I have one son, and he is a girl dad, too. And so in my own granddaughters, currently age 10 and 4, I noticed that their power, this personal power, showing up at different ways at an early age, whether it be in asking for what they want, or providing feedback in ways that children can and and out of the mouths of babes. So I'm curious for our dads here. When do you remember first noticing or experiencing your daughter or daughters really stepping into their own power? You gave us sort of a macro view of some of that. Can you speak about sort of when the switch flipped or when you went "Oh, there's something I, you know, haven't seen before and that I think is so good or so effective." And, Randy, let's start with you.
Randy Archambault 22:48
Yeah, sure. For me, I think back to some of the first productions theater productions that Zoey was in. And one of the ones that really stands out, it was her first theater production when she was in Annie in 2013. So almost 10 years ago, and she didn't get the role she wanted, you know. Every kid dreams about being Annie. I think she was 10 years ago, so seven or eight at the time. So it was never going to happen. But you know that that dream was there, the disappointment overcoming that. But then, you know, she was offered, because of her audition, she was offered this solo. So she seven or eight at the time, on the stage doing the role, this small start a B and start a B shows up in New York, sings this song. And you know, as Zoey is in the middle of the stage with a spotlight on with 100 or 100 plus people at Discovery Center just kind of looking straight at her. And the confidence, the ability to stand there, feel confident in yourself to sing out loud, to be happy, to smile. I think that's the first part of it. And then, you know, to follow that up a few years later, during the bond proposals and things like that, to speak in front of city council to get up there and advocate for things that she believes in, I think is for at least for me the first time that I can really point it out. And then just a few years later, she was Tinkerbell in Peter Pan. And to see that humility on stage when the little girls in the audience that are maybe two or three years younger than her come up to her and want her autograph.. And to feel that power and that confidence when you're on stage and you're the one that everybody is looking at I think is really where it shines out and it's just grown from there for her you know. She's empathetic, she doesn't have enemies, she's always worried about other people and wanting to make differences and change and really just help other people advocate, but also is confident in who she is. And I think those are some really good memories at that point for me.
Marsha Clark 25:14
It is awesome. I have to tell you we talked about chill factor moments that's a metric that we use when we all get goosebumps and we have a chill, you know, moment. And the way you painted the picture, I can imagine her up on stage singing that solo and I can imagine her as a Tinkerbell and seeing all the young girls go through and awe and it just, it just makes me smile and grin from ear to ear. So thank you, Randy. And way to go, Zoey. Yes. So Byron, how about you?
Byron Sanders 25:41
I was laughing when I read the question, you know, as we were preparing because I have very distinct memories of the first times and I saw okay, we got a live one here. So Bailey, we were if she was two, she was just barely two. And we were at Cracker Barrel. And, you know, Cracker Barrel, you have the little, you guys are waiting on your food, you got the little peg jump game. It's usually in a triangle, you got the different little pegs that are sitting there and they're multicolored. Usually there's like red, yellow, blue, white, things like that. Alright. So we slid over, you know, the little pegs so she can stay occupied sitting in her highchair. And as we're talking, we look over, we recognize that she has now organized all of the pegs. They are in a line, and they are color coded. Okay, one of them rolls off of the table. We watched this whole thing. I can see it clear as day. She looks at them. She looks down at the one that fell off the table. And she swiped them all off the table. Like knocked the whole thing off. And we're like, oh, my goodness, Bailey. And so I leaned over to start picking them up. And she started doing the hand signal for No, no, no, no. And, and my wife was like, I think she wants to pick them up. So we unbuckled her, we put her down on the ground. She picked up every single one of those and calmly put them back in order at the table. That was a little bit of a Twilight Zone moment for us. Right. Okay. So she has a very specific way that she sees, she wants the world to be. One other moment. Yes, a couple of steps out there, a couple of days after that she's walking down the hallway. She has an ice bucket because we're at the hotel. She's carrying the ice bucket. One piece of ice falls to the ground. And now because I know her I'm like Bailey, it's fine. It's fine. Everything is fine. I'll get the ice, don't worry about it. She stared at me, looked me dead in the eye and then tipped the entire bucket over.
Wendi McGowan-Ellis 28:11
Oh my gosh.
Byron Sanders 28:15
And then proceeded to pick up every piece of ice in hand, put it back in the bucket. We, it was clear this girl, this child, this human knows how order is supposed to be. She has a, she has a perspective. Even at that age, and I've seen that carry out throughout the rest of... now she's not as rigid anymore because that could have been OCD. She has a plan. She has a plan and she's going to execute that plan. It will be done. If Bailey says it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen if it's within her power for it to happen from her own self efficacy. It's beautiful.
Marsha Clark 28:59
So I here's the song I often think in music. "I did it my way." (Yeah. Exactly.) That's the song that's going through my head, Byron, as you talk about Bailey. I love that. That's wonderful. So Curt, how about you?
Curt Balogh 29:15
Byron, that was great. You know, actually, a couple of really vivid memories for Tara was one night at the dinner table when she was about 15. Out of the blue she told us she noticed a big difference between her soccer team friends, and her school friends, which weren't the same at all. She was on a club team out of town. None of her high school friends were there. She went on to explain that our club soccer team which was a state and regional championship team, it was the ... team was full of girls who already kind of knew what they wanted, and were willing to work hard to get it. Whereas their school friends just wanted to talk about makeup and going to the mall. And she made up her mind that while yhey could all be her friends, she she was inspired by the by the ones who kind of knew what they wanted and were willing to work hard for it. So that was a pretty cool moment as parents to have your daughter just just blurt that out. It wasn't part of the conversation. It was just an observation she thought she needed to share with us. And for Brittany is also a couple of sports moments on on the basketball court in high school, it was clear she knew more about where the other girls were supposed to be on defense, and and we call out to the other girls to help them get it right. She wasn't the best athlete on the court, but she was definitely a leader. And it was obvious. It was a proud moment as a parent to just see that going on. Same thing happened her senior year when she captained and lettered High School, soccer team to state final. She was clearly the leader of the team and the other girls rallied around her, it was a very proud moment for us just to observe that going on. It wasn't the game results that that made us proud. It was her self confidence and leadership that helped Martha and I know we were doing something right.
Marsha Clark 31:08
You know, I think about the ability to see the whole court. And I mean, that's systems thinking, right, pulling ourselves up and seeing the macro view of everything. And there are many teams that I know that may not have the best athletes on them. But when they work as a team and when they have people playing to their strengths and and having that more systemic view, those are the winners. I mean, it's so lots of good lessons and all of that. Thank you, Curt. And Kelby, certainly last but not least, tell us your stories.
Kelby Federick 31:38
Yeah, this was I think a fun question because really trying to go back and find those moments was kind of fun going back to the old memory bank and thinking about each of the three kids that having four with my son. And you know, there was a couple that really stood out for me. Our middle daughter, Kenly, she was the most shy toddler ever, which was odd for anybody in our family. She was just quiet. Maybe it was that middle child, you know, type syndrome. And she started off in public schools at the time. In her kindergarten, we moved her to Christian private school in first grade, Lakeland Christian in Lewisville. And she went with her best friend was going to school there. And the best friend's mom also was a teacher. And we sent her off at school the first day. And when my wife picked her up that day, our friend came out, the mom came out and just said, You're not going to believe this. We said what? This morning during the chapel, they asked for volunteers to get on stage to sing and help and Kenly raised her hand and jumped on stage first. Wow. And it just like it blew them away because she was her daughter and Kenly were best friends. And so it just like a light switch just came on. And I've never seen a person changed that because I don't she went from shy I don't think she has stopped talking since then. She has definitely changed personalities. And so we just are, you know, get that confidence that she was able to just start get in front of people and go with it. So I love that. Our oldest, Riley, I guess it's probably ties into being the oldest, but I'm pretty sure she came out of the womb strong willed. It was for me again, growing up in a masculine world and having a strong little daughter. We had some moments that she became a toddler and expressing herself. And I jokingly remember being a little stereotypical and laughing with my wife one day I said, you know, I, I didn't know that, that women came this naturally. I thought I had to go to school to learn how to be a female. And it's natural, because my 18 year old is as being a woman. And it was it was really cool. But I remember just seeing that she was going to be confident who she was and be powerful. And I love that. And she was not afraid to give people what we call the look, look at you and stare you down. And you knew exactly who she was. When she would come to my office she would maybe give somebody that look and they would say hey, look, Kelby, it's your daughter. We know it's your daughter because she's looking at us the way you've looked at us when you're angry. So for her it was just kind of that way. For our youngest was different because I think she's her power, she really leads by example, not by words. And so, you know, with her it was just kind of recognizing and seeing she might be a little bit quiet in class or church or family but man she's a beast on the field. And really just seeing her that discipline and sacrifice. I thought about what Curt just said about having a daughter that recognizes sports friends are a little more driven than the school friends and I know for my daughter she's given up a lot of nights at the mall, a lot of sleepovers and birthday parties because of camps and training in tournaments. But I think that discipline is again, I think, where she gets a lot of that power from.
Marsha Clark 35:10
So, Kelby, two things stand out from me from your daughter stories. You know, we talk a lot about helping women find their voice. And so this, all of a sudden, your 15 year old goes from being quiet, she found a voice and she hasn't stopped talking since. Riley, you know, her voice might come not only from her words, but her nonverbals, the look! Right, you know, you think about that. And for Marley, her voice, metaphorically is leading by example. So I love, you know, the different ways that you've recognized that for women to find their voice in a world that quite honestly often gives sends us messages of just sit still and look pretty, this is a different message. And I also want to say to each of you, as fathers that and for all of our listeners, there have have been multiple studies that show that when girls play on select sport teams, or elite sport teams is often the language used in the literature, that they are more likely to find their way into C Suite and executive level roles. So the lessons on sports teams, and you know, I'm so old that title nine hadn't even been passed yet. And, you know, I'd give anything if I could grew up into in today's world and play a team sport, because I was I just played with my brothers, you know, on the street or down at the playground. And so I love the examples that have been shared here through sports. And yet sports is only one way because there's also the theater. And there's also fill in the blank. So I really appreciate the messages that you shared there.
Wendi McGowan-Ellis 36:54
So knowing that you all are at various stages of raising powerful women, what is your best advice to other dads out there who want to be great advocates and allies to their own daughters and other young women? Byron, let's start with you.
Byron Sanders 37:11
Marsha Clark 37:14
Byron Sanders 37:17
Because what we know is that the world later, whether now or later, is going to either overtly or covertly tell girls and women that perfection is the goal. You have to nail it perfectly in order to be good enough to get the opportunities to be ready. You've got to be perfect. For us, it's effort. I need you to if you're going to perfect, anything perfect, how much of you put into a thing, and you're giving your maximum effort all the time, because sometimes the outcome is not going to be the one that you want, right? Sometimes there's somebody who's just further along and they're more equipped, and whatever that is, that's fine. You're going to lose that one. But did you give a maximal method, because if you did, that's something to be proud of. And what it also does is it allows you to not feel destroyed when there are things that are legitimately out of your control, like the weather, or you know, some other material change in the circumstances, that conditions sometimes that just that sometimes there's a lucky shot, right. But at the end of the day, if you gave your effort, you can look yourself in the mirror, you can sleep well at night, and you can stand up tall with the shoulders back. That's what we say. We have always praised effort. And that is a thing that she has been able to hold on to through both the ups and the downs of life. And she still is able to remain that powerful young girl.
Marsha Clark 38:46
You know, Byron, I want to really salute your efforts in the descriptions of encouraging praise, maximum effort. I was a keynote speaker and there was a panel of girl dads. And when asked this question about what advice have you given your daughters, they tended to speak about just work hard, keep your head down, work hard, and you know, good things will happen. And for any woman, I wanted to stand up and scream about that, because we know we can work ourselves to death. And we can extend that maximum effort. And the second part of your comments were about, the way I wrote it down was don't get sidetracked by things outside of your control. We do need to work hard and I don't know very many women who go to work and don't work really, really hard. And yet we also know that there is more to it than that and having great girl dads to encourage and reinforce in praise, as well as recognizing that in our own jobs in the workplace that we can also encourage and praise effort and make sure that those efforts and results are being recognized in meaningful ways. So a lot wrapped up in your response. So thank you very much for that. So Kelby, how about you?
Kelby Federick 40:02
Advice I would give girl dads, especially as they start their journey is, number one, make sure your daughter never let somebody you know, limit her potential for her dreams. I think we've got to be reminded of, I think especially the next generation or two generations, you know, we were blessed, these young ladies were blessed to be born into the greatest country on earth. You know, don't squander that opportunity. America is far from perfect, you know. We've seen some horrific things even locally, you know, in the past few days that are just horrible. But we need strong leaders to rise up, you know, need leaders like that we have, these powerful ladies that we've talked about, and we need them. So don't limit your potential. Don't limit your dreams, we need you to rise up and be the you know, the best you that you can be whatever role that is. You know, if you want to be a wife or a mother, homemaker, be the best one you can be. There's power in that, you know. My three daughters have a mom, who I think is the best example of a woman of power, and she's raised them and she sacrificed her career to have a wonderful home. And I find power and beauty in that. But if they want to become president of the United States, go for it, you'll have my vote. So don't limit your power. I think the number two thing is where that comes from is, is be strong in your own identity. Don't let social media or others define who you are. Those perfect Instagram pictures aren't really perfect when you peel back all the filters, and everything else. So just you know, have your convictions, stand up for who you are, embrace who you are, and then using that term, and certainly have that self control. But no, I don't think that means stay back, don't express yourself. I think it actually means express yourself in a healthy way. Express yourself in a way that your people are attracted to your cause, not put off by what you know. We obviously we live in a very fragmented culture. It's like we have to hate each other just because we disagree. I think that's just the saddest thing about our country. To change, you got to attract people, not just the people that agree with you, but maybe people that don't agree with you or aren't sure. I think the last thing is that, you know, don't spend your life trying to be a powerful woman. Be a powerful person. And I think that's what's fun about seeing the next generation of women, that you only get to grow up with whether or not as looked down upon or put into a second just because of their gender. I just think that's sad.
Marsha Clark 42:39
You know, Kelby, I want to tell you, I was a guest on another podcast show this morning. And one of the questions was something about hard lessons to learn, and what did you learn from it, and I talked about, never let anyone else define you. And so whether it's limiting your dreams or potential, whether it's being strong in your own identity, that there's a Judy Garland quote that I love that says "Be the best first rate version of yourself rather than a second rate version of someone else". And so I love this be power, be a powerful person, you know, be strong in your own identity and never let someone else limit your dreams and potential and I would say or define you. So love, love, love that. All right, Curt, how about you?
Curt Balogh 43:25
I've got a couple of things. One is just as a just as a basis to challenge them and affirm them. I think affirmation is a very powerful way to interact with someone. Piece of leadership advice that you might hear about today is catch someone in the act of doing something good and recognize it. But not blindly affirming that making sure that when you affirm you're actually pointing to something specific. So there's, there's something specific that is understandable. But I think most importantly, my advice to other dads of daughters would be do everything you can to develop critical thinking skills. It's far more important to help help them learn how to think for themselves, and to make decisions in life and to worry about what they may think at the moment. As my daughters have gotten older, and and we talk about leadership from time to time, they both told me that women, and particularly young women, do not need anyone else trying to tell them what to think, or what to say or what to do. But rather, it's better to encourage and cultivate their problem solving skills. Because that sets up a foundation that can be leaned into time after time, in any situation. So give her space to take risks, to step up, to fall back, to find her own power and and when needed, be a safe place to land with love and encouragement.
Marsha Clark 45:03
I love everything about that, challenge and affirm. I think of Fred Kaufman and Peter Kestenbaum, Curt, when I hear you use those words, and the idea of critical thinking skills is something we all need and your phrase of teach them how to think for themselves rather than thinking for them is, I think, hugely important and a life long lesson. So thank you for that. All right, Randy, you get to wrap up this question. So what what do you have to share?
Randy Archambault 45:32
I wrote, Marsha, what you said about never let anyone define you. And I think that's kind of the theme of how, you know, I've approached just being a girl dad, and just, Zoey you are who you are. You do, you be you. It doesn't matter what anybody says or does. And I think that's really, really, really important missing and develop your own opinion. Your opinion is not my opinion. If you believe differently, religiously, politically, socially, that is your opinion to determine and your compass to guide you. And that's how you are. And I think the big thing that comes out for me, for other dads, is to really get out of your daughter's way, because they are going to be the powerful women. You know, hopefully in years now, as I think, Kelby, you pointed out your executive leadership, your managers, regional, that's where, you know, we need to head and the best thing, best advice is, to get out of the way but also to advise and consent when you need to for our daughters, you know, for your daughter. Give the advice, but know that it's advice, not guidance, not the rules, not dictatorships, but get out of the way when they're driving, when they're learning to drive. You know, allow them to be confident and not scared. You know. Just another quick anecdote is when we were first learning to drive on the tollway, we never made a big deal about it. It just happened. You know, you get on the tollway, cars are going 80 miles an hour. And that's life. Yeah, there are going to be cars that are going 80 miles an hour past you or five miles an hour. And just you got to get out of the way. And then as I think more like this, just as I have almost a senior this year, I'm looking at a picture hanging on my wall. And it's by one of my favorite authors and it's "Enjoy the little things in life for one day you'll look back and realize they were the big things." And for me, there's key moments that are locked in time that I remember that's the theater memories, it's the first time driving, it's speaking in front of city council. And all of those things don't happen when we're in the way.
Marsha Clark 47:58
I love it. And I love that quote too, because the older I get, the more true it becomes. Very, very nice.
Wendi McGowan-Ellis 48:04
Well, Marsha time has flown by. I think we could probably have two or three entire episodes, just picking the brains of these awesome dads and their wisdom on raising powerful daughters. So thank you all gentlemen, for taking time out of your day to share your stories and examples of what it's like to be a girl dad raising powerful young women.
Marsha Clark 48:26
Yeah, I totally agree, Wendi. It's been fun. It's been insightful. It's been inspiring. And, again, thank you all for being not just the great sports and coming on what is often called a woman's podcast, and thank you for being, you've been great first males. You know, women often have the experience of being the first or only in their rooms. You are our first so, you know, welcome to the experience of that. And also for being so willing to share your experiences so that all of us can learn from them. So thank you very much.
Wendi McGowan-Ellis 48:59
Well, Marsha, as we wrap up today, what final thoughts would you like to share with our listeners on how important it is for dads to be their daughter's biggest allies as they learn and grow and step into their power?
Marsha Clark 49:11
You know, I was taking notes feverishly over here. And there's...
Wendi McGowan-Ellis 49:17
This is the first episode that Marsha has done that.
Marsha Clark 49:20
That's true. That is so true. So and my reasoning for doing it is one, because what you said was so useful and valuable. And secondly, I mean, I want to put some of this, whether it's when we post this podcast, put it you know, do a white paper around this because I think there's a lot in this, whether it be powerful dads or whether it be men as allies or sponsors in the work world. I think there's a lot of work to be done there. And so I don't have any one thing to pull out, but be on the lookout because I think there's so much good information that we'll summarize here.
Wendi McGowan-Ellis 49:56
I totally agree. Well, thank you again, dads. And thank you, listeners, for joining us today on our journey of authentic. powerful leadership. Please continue to download, subscribe and share this podcast from wherever you'd like to listen. Visit Marsha's website at marshaclarkandassociates.com. Sounds like a white paper is coming soon, and you'll find everything out about her book "Embracing Your Power". Connect with her on social media as well.
Marsha Clark 50:27
So I also want to say to our dads, I'm going to do this very publicly, I want you to send me the spelling of your daughter's names, because I want to send them one of my books, Curt, if I remember, right, I think you may have some of those already. But if you have a young woman that you want to receive a copy of my book, because I've said this before, women always are asking me where were you when I started my career? Where were you when I was 25? Where were you in my first leadership role? And I, you know, my big, big push right now is accessibility. So if we can get some of the messages that the women who have been in the world and in the work world for a while who find it valuable, I think the earlier we can send some of those messages along with the the outstanding support that these fathers are offering their daughters. I want to maximize that, I want to multiply that. So I did give a homework assignment to our guests today. Send me the spelling of your daughter's names and where we can send the books, the address. So you can just do that either through Tracie or through my email or LinkedIn or whatever. So I want to say that and, you know, listeners, I hope you found this to be valuable, and that you'll share it with the dads and the men in your life about these, because these messages are not just important for 2 year olds or 12 year olds or 20 year olds, they're important for all of us. And so, you know, I usually close out "Here's to women supporting women!", and I'm gonna say that AND "Here's to men supporting women and girls!"
Transcribed by https://otter.ai